So I just got out of philosophy100, which I absolutely love, and we were talking about self; the definition of self. What is self?
Going along with my book, I like to think of myself as a peach. I have this core, this soul, this thing inside of me that makes me me. This thing that absorbs and has a concious and is always Erin. We have the juicy, delicious part, the fruit, which is like all of our experiences and memories. That body also makes us who we are because I would not be the same person that I am without all of the experiences that I've been through. Yet still, I couldn't be Erin without that core consciousness and soul. The skin is our outside, the reflection of what others see of us (notice that the skin is the smallest part of the peach).
So I really liked this analogy, and I started doodling all over my notes...anyways, I was thinking okay, so what is my core?
Well, I think first of all, the structure of this core is God. I would not be me without Him; no one would be. He is those hard ridges and bumps that, no matter how much we bite or gnaw on, still stays hard and strong. The core is the seed from which the whole peach started out from. It was that core that used to be just a small seed and grew into a beautiful, delicious fruit. He is that seed, the core from which our conscious and our sould comes from. If I could describe the human core, our soul, I would picture it to be this goldy silver, glowing ball of electricity. Maybe theres some darker creveces and ridges that we have to clean out, but mostly, it's this extremely complex, unimaginable ball of substance that God created inside of us.
Erin Murphy, the things that make up my little ball besides Him would be like, passion, curiousity, joy, desire and that ever-so-present conscious of mine. My passion for life and to love everything that He's put on this earth to be appreciated and loved. I contain this eminent curiousity to know stuff about everything. I have curiousity for this world, for God, for life, for all the crazy places He put here for us to explore. I have this joy that is so present, it's one of the most real things to me. Things are going pretty good in my life right now, but even more then that, I honestly have this joy that loves to come out and play with others. Cameron and I always talk about that; how that joy is part of Him shining through us and I really feel like we're supposed to spread it around with everyon else. Anyways...desire. I have desire, way deep in me for life. Life is like a drug to me, especially as I get older, I can't get enough of it. I have desire to help others, be there for others, listen to others, to love others.
All of this, all of these things that I'm just telling you make up my soul, my core, keep pointing me in this direction of doing someting wild and reckless like Katie. If you haven't heard about kissesfromkatie, go read it. Along with my cousin Meggan, I am so inspired and determined to go do something big with my life, besides being a Psyc major. God has blessed me with all these things inside that I feel were meant to be used for His work.
I have so much research and information to look up about my trip (hopefully in June), and I'm kind of overwhelmed. I wrote the leader of this organization that I want to go with, but I have so much to do!! I'll keep you updated, but most of all, I just need prayers to make it all happen. Hopefully I can find someone to help me financially, but more than that, I want to be completely open-hearted and dedicated when I do make it out there, because I feel like He has something in store for me that might blow my mind a little. So God, bring it on.
Just a closing thought...
God, you are so awesome. Ha, sometimes I forget how incredible all of this is. Maybe I'm a little loopy from Philosophy, but when I really sit here and think about you, I get overwhelmed. This system of earth, of the world that you created is so great. I mean, I love being creative and stuff, and here you are, the ultimate creator. You are the most creative person ever. You created butterflies and clouds and electricity and grass and brains and us. Thank you for that. Thank you for this place...it's not so bad God. Love you. Amen.