Feeling Bold

I feel like life is unraveling so fast for me. Fall is over. It's almost Christmas. It's almost the new year. It's almost February. It's almost mission time.

I just sent out the "Hey-family-and-friends-give-me-a-little-love-in-funds" letter, so to all you who recieved it and are now checking my blog- you mean the world to me. Just the fact that you took the time to read this is so important. I want you to know that I do not like asking for money AT ALL. I had originally planned on avoiding it altogether, but I soon realized that this trip is not possible without you. I have no idea how much money has been sent so far, and honestly, I don't really want to know. I am horrible with money stuff. I believe so strongly that this is God's plan, and I trust that He will make it happen through you.

Today has kind of been a downer for me. It was one of those mornings. I lazily slept in too late, was late to work (taco Tuesday), made a whopping $35 dollars after way too much work, and haven't seen my boyfriend in a few days. I came home and ate, and started talking to my Dad about God stuff; something that has become a typical occurrence for us. He was telling me about God's covenants to man, and how in our sin, we could never really keep our end of the bargain- hence why He had to send His own son to help us out. We talked about the Eucharist and confession and all this super deep stuff that I am still swimming around in. He showed me a video of Fr. John Corapi called America's Death Wish which stirred a very deep stir inside me.

My boyfriend Cameron and his tight knit group of "Resistance" boys had grazed the surface of the same kind of idea. I feel like our American society has been going downhill for a while now, and falling more and more away from God and what is morally right. First it was birth control, an earthly control of one of God's most precious gifts to us human beings- life. Then abortion, even more earthly control, and the direct termination of life. Now infanticide, taking life away even outside the womb, and Euthanasia , convincing ourselves that the sick and dying aren't worth our care or even time. Our society has taken sex, another one of the most precious gifts from God, and cheapened it to dirt, twisting its whole meaning and purpose to something so earthly. Our culture advertises ultimate success and happiness as money and material things, rather than the reality of ultimate success and happiness to be eternal life with God in heaven. How much further away from Him can we get? What more does it take for God to make flood #2 or the "fall of Rome" aka the United States??

I know this probably sounds rather bold, but I feel like it would be wrong of me not to say anything. We should be bold in our stance for Christ, not bending for a trend, or a law, or a person; not only staying strong, but even sharing God's word. Jesus commanded us to go out and spread His love and share His glorious name to ALL NATIONS, not just Valley Center, San Diego, California, or even the United States. I understand God has a different plan and a specific job for every single one of us, but wherever we end up in this earthly life, I assure you, as Christians we are supposed to be doing all of these. He is coming. I want all of you to be on that arc for the next flood, whether it is in our lifetime or not.

I want to be in some third world country right now to hold an orphan, feed someone starving or just comfort someone in desperation. I know it is different to write this or say it, than to actually be there and do it, but I can't help it. The tug on my heart is stronger every day. That same tug from blog post number one last spring. Now it's like a bulldozer. Not only has God been teaching me patience, but he has been teaching me more about Him to prepare me for everything I am about to be a part of. I have underestimated prayer in the past, but today, I feel it. Anyone who has read this- even the simplest prayers can be so powerful. I appreciate every single one.

My prayer is that wherever we are in life, to be bold in your name. Lord, send your Holy Spirit to give us that boldness, that courageous spirit and the endurance to trust in you through anything. Merciful God, I pray for all of those who do not know you yet. Open doors for them. I pray for all of the fatherless, especially T and Rasta girl. Thank you for everything you have given us. You are magnificent. Amen.

Doors

Holidays are rollin' around and it makes me realize what a huge change I wen through to get to where I am now. I feel like I have gotten a lot warmer searching for "Erin's path" that He paved for me. Here's a little comparison:

Last Year- School, work at restaurant, old boyfriend...and...I feel like that's about it.

This Year- no school, work at restaurant, internship, new boyfriend, planning mission trip, making jewelry, lots more prayer...etc.

I guess my point is that time has been flying. Even though I look back and think that I definitely wasn't as productive with my life, I still learned everything that is crucial to know for where I am now. I feel like it was almost a year ago when my cousin first threw out the idea of "Hey you should think about going to Africa" (which I thought was awesome, but totally out of the question) and here I am, spot saved on the Visiting Orphan mission trip for Uganda and Ethiopia, oh, and we'll throw in a little Philippines too. God has opened so many doors.

I had dinner with my Uncle, Godfather, Father Pat a while back, when I decided not to move up to Long Beach. I had felt so disappointed in myself for not planning better, or saving better so that I could've moved up there. Uncle Pat pointed out that not only does "everything happen for a reason" but that this was probably a way of God gently closing the door I was about to walk through and opening a different one instead. Since then, I include a request for more doors to be open, and I have had many suddenly unlock, and blow me away with what is on the other side. Doors that have led to the amazing 31 Bits girls, to the group of Sisters in the Philippines that will be hosting me, to new aspects of my relationship with Cameron. I can just picture God up there with every single key you could imagine, unlocking doors for us when we don't even realize we're walking through them.

Sweet Lord, I thank you for all of your keys and doors and for everything I have learned by entering them. Only You know the path we are supposed to be on, and only You can be our map and tour-guide of this earthly life. Please continue to use me as your tool, this is only the beginning. My heart is yours. I pray that you be with my new World Vision kid Ahmed, that my support finds him well. Thank you for another day to grow closer to you. Amen

My Good for Good

Things have been plummeting upward on this journey. God has dropped amazing people, like the huge water droplets coming down outside. Cameron, Meggan, Maria, Jessie, Allie, Anna, Kallie, Kathleen, Emily P, Angie, Charlie, Taber and countless others who are on the same page as I am. I am so grateful for all of these connections that I've been making with people who I know are going to be on this lifelong journey with me.

This trip in spring is going to cost me probably 800x the amount I have in my account right now. It is really intimidating. I am a 20 year old working as a waitress at a Mexican restaurant that isn't really going to get my the funds to travel across the globe. God has taken the reigns on my creative mind and used my hands, some metal, and hot glue to make some really beautiful pieces of artwork aka jewelry. I'm hoping that my family and friends generosity will put a nice dent in my plane ticket/mission trip fund.

The Knights of Columbus of St. Stephen's (a men's group similar to a Rotary club type thing) is so awesome to help me out with keeping track of donations. They are a non-profit organization and are taking the donations under their name so that anyone who gives can do a tax write off. They're kind of my own personal mission trip bank. Also, the Visiting Orphans organization takes donations under my name as well, so anyone could donate directly into my $3600 Ethiopia/Uganda mission trip fee.

Enough money talk (I just felt like I had to get that out there)...but I guess what I really wanted to get out was that I am so thankful for all of the things God has been flooding me with. The more I pray, the more unexpected things he sends, that turn out so much better than what my "plan" was. Tips from On the Border seem to melt into my gas tank and hungry tummy and sometimes I get so disappointed with it. All this money stuff is kind of stressful, but Cameron was telling me last night that if this is where I'm supposed to be, and what I'm supposed to be doing, God has a way that it's all going to work out. I have no idea what that is- I mean I'm not really expecting a truckload of cash on my driveway or anything, but He has such an artistic way of making things work in this life. Just like my cousin Meggan had said in her blog:

"... when you start letting go of expectations, you realize that it's in the unexpected, the unanticipated, and even the uncomfortable that we begin to catch a glimpse of a bigger, greater story taking shape that we could have ever imagined in our wildest dreams."

So God, you have your plan and your way, and I believe that there is no other way, so take me there. I don't care how unexpected, unanticipated or uncomfortable it might be- I just want that bigger picture. Flood me and use me until I am incapable. Whatever your plan is, that is where I'll be. You are all powerful, and only You can make this work.

I also pray for all of the abandoned, mistreated and orphaned children. Be present in them and protect them. Comfort and warm them with your love and Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Making Plans, or letting plans make themselves...

I can't believe that it was last April when I wrote that I wanted to travel, and here I am finally making it happen.

After lots of prayers and lunches with Meggan, I decided that God wanted me to make these traveling aspirations come true. I felt that I definitely wanted to go to Africa (Ethiopia and Uganda) and take an official mission trip to visit orphans. For some reason, I have my heart set on the Philippines as well. I'm hoping to finish the trip in gratitude in Rome for a few days. My ideal trip would start in mid-February in the Philippines, and I am looking to stay with a convent of sisters for about two months. The mission trip that I'm going on is with the Visiting Orphans organization in mid-April. It is only 2 weeks long, but hopefully I will have some contacts to stay another two weeks out there visiting Katie and the ladies from 31 bits.

People that I see at work or even old friends will ask "Oh so how's school?" and I have to tell them this huge long story about how I feel really called to do this and that somehow I am gonna gain this great insight on life of what to do with my life to help them over there etc. A common response would be "Oh the beaches are great here" or "Don't go there, the people are so un-welcoming". It makes me so much more driven to go to the poorest most remote place and do anything I can to help. It's not a vacation. Yes, I definitely do want to travel to see the world, but through the eyes of a servant of Lord rather than Lady Godiva.

The hardest thing is trying to get contacts and raising the money to actually go. I'm planning on the trip costing around $7,ooo. The 2 week mission trip alone is $3500 and that doesn't include the plane ticket. I pray everyday that God will be generous with me. I'm working hard but there's no way I can do it all on my own.

I want to plan a few fundraisers, or sell my jewelry- stuff like that. I'm running a half-marathon in January in Carlsbad, so maybe I can tie that in somehow. I guess I just need to put my creative brain into use.

I pray that doors will keep opening and that I can keep following Your path. Give me strength to be like You. You are amazing. Amen

Peaches...

So I just got out of philosophy100, which I absolutely love, and we were talking about self; the definition of self. What is self?

Going along with my book, I like to think of myself as a peach. I have this core, this soul, this thing inside of me that makes me me. This thing that absorbs and has a concious and is always Erin. We have the juicy, delicious part, the fruit, which is like all of our experiences and memories. That body also makes us who we are because I would not be the same person that I am without all of the experiences that I've been through. Yet still, I couldn't be Erin without that core consciousness and soul. The skin is our outside, the reflection of what others see of us (notice that the skin is the smallest part of the peach).

So I really liked this analogy, and I started doodling all over my notes...anyways, I was thinking okay, so what is my core?

Well, I think first of all, the structure of this core is God. I would not be me without Him; no one would be. He is those hard ridges and bumps that, no matter how much we bite or gnaw on, still stays hard and strong. The core is the seed from which the whole peach started out from. It was that core that used to be just a small seed and grew into a beautiful, delicious fruit. He is that seed, the core from which our conscious and our sould comes from. If I could describe the human core, our soul, I would picture it to be this goldy silver, glowing ball of electricity. Maybe theres some darker creveces and ridges that we have to clean out, but mostly, it's this extremely complex, unimaginable ball of substance that God created inside of us.

Erin Murphy, the things that make up my little ball besides Him would be like, passion, curiousity, joy, desire and that ever-so-present conscious of mine. My passion for life and to love everything that He's put on this earth to be appreciated and loved. I contain this eminent curiousity to know stuff about everything. I have curiousity for this world, for God, for life, for all the crazy places He put here for us to explore. I have this joy that is so present, it's one of the most real things to me. Things are going pretty good in my life right now, but even more then that, I honestly have this joy that loves to come out and play with others. Cameron and I always talk about that; how that joy is part of Him shining through us and I really feel like we're supposed to spread it around with everyon else. Anyways...desire. I have desire, way deep in me for life. Life is like a drug to me, especially as I get older, I can't get enough of it. I have desire to help others, be there for others, listen to others, to love others.

All of this, all of these things that I'm just telling you make up my soul, my core, keep pointing me in this direction of doing someting wild and reckless like Katie. If you haven't heard about kissesfromkatie, go read it. Along with my cousin Meggan, I am so inspired and determined to go do something big with my life, besides being a Psyc major. God has blessed me with all these things inside that I feel were meant to be used for His work.

I have so much research and information to look up about my trip (hopefully in June), and I'm kind of overwhelmed. I wrote the leader of this organization that I want to go with, but I have so much to do!! I'll keep you updated, but most of all, I just need prayers to make it all happen. Hopefully I can find someone to help me financially, but more than that, I want to be completely open-hearted and dedicated when I do make it out there, because I feel like He has something in store for me that might blow my mind a little. So God, bring it on.

Just a closing thought...

God, you are so awesome. Ha, sometimes I forget how incredible all of this is. Maybe I'm a little loopy from Philosophy, but when I really sit here and think about you, I get overwhelmed. This system of earth, of the world that you created is so great. I mean, I love being creative and stuff, and here you are, the ultimate creator. You are the most creative person ever. You created butterflies and clouds and electricity and grass and brains and us. Thank you for that. Thank you for this place...it's not so bad God. Love you. Amen.

First off...

So to start off, I would like to say that I am a girl, a woman, whichever you prefer, who is searching. I am a growing, developing young mind who is truly yearning for that deep thing that you cannot find the answer to on Wikipedia. 

I know what it is. I just haven't gotten completely there yet. Although I'm still figuring out Him, I do feel this pulling on my heart to go to a place where life can be stripped down to the simplest things, to discover the most simple thing. 

I am a lover and I try my best to love with everything. I want to give myself to others who need my talents and abilities more than I need them here. Whether that place be Africa, South America, or my birthplace, the Phillippines, I want to go away from the comfort of gorgeous Southern California and experience life in the bigger picture. 

...to be continued...