Thursday, March 22, 2012

Transforming seasons...

Being away from traditional California weather has made me appreciate the sunshine to the fullest, even to a spiritual-esque experience. I can close my eyes with an invisible warmth touching my skin and be SO thankful for such a magnificent thing- the sun. I don't think I've ever really thanked God for the sun, something pretty essential for our survival.

So thank you God, for sunshine.

Spring is also a whole new experience here; trees that are actually blooming, sprouting little tiny green leaves among their old winter brownness. These set of trees by the Egan building are blooming with white, weird smelling flowers, but they're gorgeous like something out of Alice in Wonderland. People are actually outside!! There are people here on the grass, soaking up sun, playing frisbee, walking and talking- something that didn't really occur since orientation week. I feel bad for spring transfers because they arrive and everyone is still in hibernation from the cold.

Spring is also a huge time of change. I can't really say I've had an "aha!" moment, but its more of a slow and constant change, like the world revolving. God is constantly, subtly turning the screw (me), into the cross (Christ). There is a beautiful transformation occurring in my soul, going through seasons and now in this beginning-of-spring revival of finding deeper roles as a future wife, as a sister, a woman of God and just as a human being on this earth. I am being rocked by my christian marriage class, learning the extent of God's constant revealing of himself through divine revelation (prayer/church/Word) and natural law (sunshine). I am being rocked by Cameron Chadwick and our simple but real battle with purity and bringing the physical purity to a deeper level and into the soul. Studying the Beatitudes in Matthew 5; what truly is a person who is poor in spirit, or clean-hearted, or a mourner? I am being rocked by this new ministry of mission we're both involved in called Dirty Vagabonds, a youth program for inner city kids that I am already falling in love with. I am being rocked from the creeping wedding date moving towards me. I am being rocked by new amazing friends and absolutely missing some that are at home. I am being rocked by social work classes that continue to shock me about what is going on in this country and how i wish we could go back and redo the 1930s. I am rocked that God is still pulling me by the heartstrings into the international mission field and flashing the faces of the sweet kids in Addis and Korah.

Oh and I got a job :) at another mexican restaurant ha called Mad Mex. Cheers.

Gosh, I just appreciate God so much. Just when I am blown away, I realize that I am only getting shadows of glimpses of Him. I have to constantly remind my flesh that He is what brings happiness, not the things of this world- as much as I will not deny my passion for sex or parties.

Everytime I fail, big or small, I am convicted of this icky guilt and reminded that nothing that is not-of-God will bring true joy, it only brings a temporary pleasure. I am reminded that Christ could be coming at any moment and at this moment I am not particularly ready for it. I am reminded that as a Christ-follower I have responsibility to not hinder others and to do all in my power, through the Holy Spirit to bring Christ to them. And honestly, there are moments every single day in which I fail in that. Therefore, I appreciate, with the deepest, fullest gratitude my Savior Jesus Christ. I love Him. He is the one who gently rocks my soul back to peace when my humanness is ADD-distracted with the world. He is the one who points to example after example of how my fullest-potential self could be living. He is the one who I see in Cameron's eyes when he tells me no. He is the one who makes me the most alive. Without Him i am not alive; I am dead.

There is change, there is the journey happening now, at this very moment, we are all journeying (whether on the right or wrong path, or skipping between the two). We have to all be aware that in every moment, God's glory is at stake. In every decision, as simple or complex as they may be, we either glorify God or betray Him. We have to all beg for the grace to will the good in the moment. In every moment, beg for the grace for God to lead you to the right _________.

Most Holy and precious God of all, 
Thank you so much for knowledge and wisdom, and today, I beg you for it. I beg you to enlighten me, to show me Your ways, to let me know the wisdom that was with you before any of us were. 

Lord thank you for all of my family and friends back home. God almighty I pray that your will be done on every single one of their lives. Show up, be present God and let them encounter you in a deeper way. 

I love you God and want more of You. Help me to fall deeper in love with You. Help me to shed my self and put on more of You.

In Jesus' holy name, Amen.